Not the end, per se. More like the end of one chapter, and the beginning of another. And by now, I honestly do not care how cliche that sounds; for that is truly the only way I can accurately describe right now. So I shall take it.
As is clear, it has taken me quite a while to come back to this old blog, one I started nearly four years ago. And one I've sadly neglected for a year. But no matter; I am hear now, which counts for something right?
It is hard to believe my highschool years are now gone. Not that I don't feel old, because graduation and getting ready to set off for college can certainly make you feel that way. Yet, it does seem like just a short while ago I was thinking about the many days I would still walk through my highschool courtyard, the many hours I would spend enduring crazy hard AP classes, and the many minutes until that bell would ring, allowing me some time to relax. I can still remember going to the movies and being dropped off by my mom, and then finally being able to drive to school on the first day of junior year. I remember anxiously awaiting the release of precious books, attending midnight releases, reading 700-page books in less than three days. I remember taking one AP class and thinking this is insane! I also remember signing up for three the next year, and then five the year after. I remember those classes, and all the stress, worry, frustration, and sleep-deprived nights that came along with them. But also the good times, the great people, and the incredible knowledge I gained from those experiences.
I don't plan to lose any of these memories, no matter how important or how insignificant, no matter how good or not so good, no matter how old or forgetful I become. For they will always be there, and I don't believe anything can change that.
As I sit here and write, I have only 10 days left here. Here in this time, this moment, this chapter. I can't decide whether right now is the beginning of the new chapter or the last few pages of the previous one. Or just the time it takes the reader to finally flip that last page, and embark on a new, unknown part of the story. Either way, this realization has hit me, really hit me. Like a wrecking ball. Like I've been running without being able to slow or stop, just running straight into a solid brick wall. And now I've hit it.
Well, that's not really a fair assessment actually. I've known the wall was coming, and really it's more like a gate or a window or something. And I know I'll survive, and that there is something so thrilling, so enticing, I suppose, that has me drawn me toward it, has me running toward it, out of my own free will.
So, really, that was a bad analogy. Sorry.
Anyway, I suppose what I mean to say is that I've been really looking foward to this new change, this completely radical 180 my life will soon face. But I've discovered there is so much I still am unsure about, so much I'm not exactly ready to part with.
And that's one of the worst things to feeling: Feeling unprepared, unready, and slightly unwilling, for something you've wanted for so long, and now face.
So now what?
1 comment:
Wow. That really was a meloncholy post. I shall try to post some more uplifting things in the near future. :)
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