Ah summer... :)

The past few days have truly been a blessing. I have been learning more and more about God's amazing power to bring peace and serenity, once I trust Him completely. It is not easy at times, because lately my mind has been programmed to try to figure everything out and make sure I have some sort of plan. But I've realized, sometimes I don't need one.

I love summer. I finally am able to relax and not have to stress. It's lovely. At first, I was not used to it but now I wish I could live like this more often. I am able to do things that I didn't have time for during the school year, leisurely things. But it's not just that. I can employ my time doing things I think are important, things I really should focus on all the time, not just when I have the opportunity. I think, well I hope, that this new shift of priorities will remain constant.

I worried too much this year, and I have decided that this is just something I need to exclude from my long list of things to do. I know this won't be easy because, naturally, I tend to want to be in control, or have a plan. I don't do well with spur-of-the-moment decisions or surrendering my hold on situations. It will be different, but I know it will be for the best.

There is so much I am excited for this summer! We have finally started our small group/book club and it's going great. Better than great, amazing! I cannot wait to see how it will grow over the summer and through our senior year. And then, the mission trip to Belle Glade! That will be an experience, I'm sure. I'm praying it all goes well and not only will we help change someone else's life, but also that we ourselves will return different people, humbled people.

I know this summer will be awesome, so far it has been! I just have to let go, and let Him lead.

Orange Sherbert

After dinner tonight, I decided I wanted ice cream. I was tired and the AC in my room isn't working great, and I could just really go for something cold and delicious. I opened the freezer and guess what? No ice cream. Lovely, I thought.

But then I noticed on the door, a container of orange sherbert. At that point I would have usually shut the door and rumaged around for something else in the cabinets, because sherbert isn't really my favorite, but for some reason, tonight I paused. I was already in the freezer, why not have some anyway?

While I consumed the tasty dessert, I thought about how we all tend to be just a little selfish. I'm a perfect example. I wanted ice cream, and was willing to give up a perfectly good alternative just because it wasn't what I had previously chosen. We have so much, and still we are offered more and more everyday. Opportunities come in all kinds of packages, but it's hard to chose the right one when you think you know what you're looking for. Your mind is preset, and your attention focuses on finding that one option. But sometimes the choice we should make isn't exactly what we would have first chosen, without thought.

Unfortunately, sometimes I tend to focus on what I could have, rather than what's already in front of me, I'm sure we all do. It's part of our selfish nature.

I need reminding all the time that what I have is enough, because I know if I got everything I've ever asked for, I still wouldn't be satisfied. I should be grateful I have anything at all.

Just thought I'd share that. :)

Family: part 2

Let's try again, shall we?

My family. They make me smile. They make me sigh. What would I do without them?
I wish I could think of words better than, "I am so thankful for my family," but I can't, so those will have to do.

My parents are great people. We don't always agree on everything, sure, but in the end they're there when I need them. They've done so much for me, it makes me wonder how I could repay them at all. Is that how it goes, then? Parents pour themselves into their children, and don't expect much in return, so their children pour all they have into their own kids. Or something like that. I hope not; I'd like to give something back to my parents. They're my superheros.

My sister is one of a kind, and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. She's an amazing girl and I love her to death. She has taught me how to live, shaped my life, and she has no idea she's done it. I hope she'll know someday.

I will do anything for her, I just wish others felt half as strongly at times. But, alas, that's not the world. We don't get everything served to us on a silver platter, so why should we expect it? This world is cruel at times, and I hope she learns it's not something to rely on. I do hope she finds people who are willing to understand her, and are willing to believe she has more potential than she's given credit for. She deserves it.

This is certainly not all I have to say regarding my family, but I can't fit everything about them into a nice, neat, compact post, so I'll stop here. :)

Family

I've realized I haven't really said too much about my family on this blog, and I'm going to fix that. My family and friends are important to me, thus they all deserve equal attention from me.

...hmm...(chirping crickets heard in the background)...

Okay, just kidding. :)

My family means so much to me, and I've learned so much from them, I can't possibly imagine what it will be like when I'm off to college in...a year. Time has flown by, and I almost feel like I can hear the seconds ticking down until I'll be out on my own, without the comfort having someone around who isn't focused on grades and futures, or even, I regret to admit, someone who will help pick up the slack when I'm falling behind.
I know that we all must grow up sometime and I won't say that I don't want that. I really don't want to be stuck in the same place twenty years from now, I want to grow. At times though, it's nice still being a kid, knowing that someone will be there to catch you when you stumble.
But then again, I suppose that's why we have God.
Isn't it wonderful that we have someone so amazing that even when we're ninety years old, we will still be His children and He will still be looking after us?
So really, even though we all eventually have to venture out of the nest at some point, it's really not as if we're abandoned or without protection and guidance. He's still there and we can always rely on that.
Hmm, well this is certainly not what I was planning to write, but that's ok because I did get to write about my Father. :)

Unexpected Reminder :)

So I'm not really a Sunday morning church person. It's not that I don't like it, I just prefer Saturday nights. But at the Easter service when I saw a commercial for the new series for the following week, it looked really interesting. Of course, I had completely forgotten about it by the next day.
For some reason today, when I was looking through my sixty or so emails, I decided to open the newsletter the church sends every week. It had a link to the online messages of previous weeks, and I started watching one.
It was amazing. The pastor spoke about how, through all the storms, God is there and if we trust that He will take care of everything, we will have peace. It was just so encouraging, not because the message was new, but because we are all going through one thing or another, and at times we forget that we aren't in control. We try to fix the situation ourselves, only to make it worse, all the while wondering where He is. We have to remember that the storm will eventually pass, but meanwhile, we must cling to Him, the one constant in our lives. If we trust God, we will have peace. It says this in John 16:33 :

'I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.'

Enduring all this trouble will strengthen your faith in Him. This is something I needed to be reminded of and the message was just what I needed.

On another note, I am really excited to start our group, we just have to figure out when. And what book to use. And exactly how it's going to work. :) I'm sure it'll work out... hopefully soon.

Have a great weekend! :)

Duck and Cover :D

'Sometimes it even saves his life!'

Advice...

So the other day I decided to write about something that has been on my mind for a while, something that has caused me frustration and sorrow and doubt in my capabilities to help someone when they really need it. But that post sounded too much like I was complaining and filled completely with despair and hopelessness. So I hope this one's better.

It's difficult when a friend of yours is hurting and it seems like you can't do much to help except listen. I didn't mind listening, but I felt like I could be doing more. I couldn't understand why sometimes people ignore the solution to their problems, even when it's right in front of them. I wanted to help, but everything I tried just didn't seem to be doing any good. Sure I was able to comfort and reassure, but that didn't solve anything. As someone once told me, sometimes people need to learn their lesson on their own, and I was beginning to realize this was one of those times.
Yet I still felt obligated to do more than I had.
Then, I received this advice: I'm not God. It was a simple statement but it made me realize I can do all the listening and advising I want, but in the end I don't have the answers and I don't have a plan. He does. And His plan is far greater than anything I could ever imagine.
So really, all I can do is be a friend and trust that that's enough.

How sad it is to lose a beloved friend...

As I take a break from the unbelievable amount of work I've allowed to pile up over the past few weeks, I suddenly realize that I've scarcely done anything I enjoy lately. I mean, of course I've put aside everything and focused my attention on something besides homework, but I don't think I've truly enjoyed much of it, and with a constant reminder of what's still to come, it does not ease the stress.
I don't read much anymore. I don't seem to have time for it. It's heartbreaking because books were always a huge part of my life. They provided so much: an escape from the real world, yet with a deeper understanding of life. And, naturally, entertainment. As the years have gone by (wow, it sounds as if I'm ninety or something), I've moved on to preoccupying my life with other things. Not that it has always affected me negatively, but it is certainly different than when I was ten years old. What happened to the days when I would go to the library every chance I would get to check out something new. I would always get the biggest ones; I used to think the thinner ones were beneath me. But I was younger then. I would always gravitate toward the same kinds too, especially ones that were part of a series, because they would guarantee me something else to read when I was finished.
I used to love books. I think I still do, but sometimes I feel so completely unconnected to their world that it's almost as though I've lost a very close friend. I know that's an overly dramatic comparison.
I guess it all correlates with the steady separation between ourselves and our childhood over the course of a lifetime.
How depessing is that! Sorry if I ruined anyone's mood!

How ungrateful I've been!

I realize I've been caught up in a lot lately and I need to take a step back and put things into perspective. I've been compromising a lot and taking things for granted. I am so lucky to live such a privileged life, where I can ask for just about anything and probably get it. There are many people in this world who can't. They don't even consider it an option sometimes because the likelihood of it happening are slim. Yet when I get something I want, I turn and go to the next item on my list. I've have been given so many opportunities, but I turn them down, because I'm looking for the right one. I should be looking to help others, not benefit myself. I need church. And I'm missing two Saturday nights because I'm going to Europe.

Hm.

Have you ever read something and thought, "Wow, this person's insight is amazing"?
I was reading a friend's blog and it made me smile, because everything she said was just so positive and uplifting, even if it was just a normal daily routine. I wondered how in the world anyone could be so inspiring, and she wasn't even trying! It didn't matter what was going on in her life, everything was as it should be, or if not, then she tried her hardest to let go and allow the master plan to unfold. I'm not sure why this struck me so, but I think it may be because today many of us, myself included of course, tend to see all the negative aspects of our lives first and foremost, when the most amazing and beautiful ones wait, undetected, hoping for a moment to shine. We put off the simple joys just because we don't have time, or the moment isn't right, only to forget about them, and later we can't understand where they've gone.
That just got me thinking. If I spent half of the time I usually allot for complaining or arguing or justifying, I could be so much happier, and perhaps, it would make others happier too.

Well anyway, that's it for today. I realize this may be repetitive because one of my other recent posts was very similar to this. Oh well. :)

Taking a breather...

Throughout the day it's difficult to keep our heads up and see the beauty of life, even if it's right in front of us. All day long we think only about what we must accomplish in that second and how fast we can get it done, so that we can move on to the next rather trivial task. Of course we realize that it's all necessary to reach our bigger and more important goals, but sometimes we can get caught up in them. I know I do.
Everyday, I feel, well I won't called it stressed, more like anxious, simply because generally I have about a billion things to do. I have to remember what meeting is today, what stuff to bring for practice, what homework I didn't do last night. It can honestly become overwhelming at times. Especially when something happens that I hadn't anticipated and does not fit neatly into my carefully construed plans.
I'm sure no one sincerely wants to end up a basket case, but sometimes it happens. Living in a world that conveys this idea of doing the most we can, the fastest we can do it does not leave much room for 'taking it slow.' We have to find time, make time.
In theory, sure, this sounds ideal -creating time for ourselves! Wow, what a concept! But it's not that simple. It should be, but it's not.
I admit I am far from grasping this 'making time' idea, but I guess it starts with sacrificing other areas, to benefit yourself in the long run.
I've realized that I can't do everything by myself, that I will always need help, no matter what I'm faced with. Not only that, but I should welcome it with open arms.
Sometimes I am so caught up in things that don't matter enough, that I neglect what does. I forget that there are people who understand and can and are willing to sympathize.
Life was never meant to be easy, but that's no excuse to not be joyful and thankful of every moment.
"Each day is a gift from God, that's why it's called the present".
:)

Tired...

This life is so hard. It seems no matter how we decide to live it, nothing comes easily; every action requires some sort of effort exerted and consequences are always included in the package.
Serving. So much easier said than done. I suppose that's a given, though. Yet, after some thought, one might reflect that selfishness takes quite a toll also. Imagine it. There is no way for a person to be so dishonorable, without contributing some sort of effort. For either path then, good or bad, one must sacrifice something. So why do so many choose the wrong one?
I think it may be because doing good appears to produce disadvantages that weigh out any benefits. We seem to be naturally selfish, and most desire to keep to our innate philosophies.
As humans, we thrive on gratitude. We hope to gain praise from great accomplishments, and recognition for good deeds. Sometimes I wonder whether, at times, our hospitality and courtesy is only driven by our desire to be gratified, needed even. We take comfort in the fact that others could not achieve certain goals without our assistance, that our existence allows others to survive also. Of course, not many think of it that way, but surely, it's true.
Think about those times when you decide to serve someone else, instead of yourself for a change. Afterwards, don't you feel great about yourself? Doesn't it make you feel giddy, and, you must admit, you may feel a bit smug. Of course, this isn't revealed on the outside, but inside you think, "I just did something great." Now think about how this situation would make you feel if the one you served showed absolutely no gratitude toward you, nor acknowledged your feat? Would this cause your sudden fire of pride to extinguish, as soon as it came? Does this mean that we are wholeheartedly influenced by our resulting reward?
Isn't it horrible to think of it that way? I know, jeez you'd think I was trying to plunge you into a pit of despair, but honestly, what motivates our want to help?
It should be only one thing. Yet we are neglectful in this simplicity, because of our blindness. How sad.

Added: I actually found a really appropriate quote for this post, and by chance too! :)
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson

Something to think about...

This is truly amazing. Don't you wish you had such courage?